I Asked A Friend About One Night Stands and It Changed My World.
A big on-going millennial debate: Are one night stands a Yay or Nay?
The Malaysian context is pretty .. “Asian”, wouldn’t you agree? I grew up with parents, friends and relatives telling me that love had formalities. Before I could even think of finding a partner, I had to worry about a heap load of issues. Was she the right age? Did she go to a reputable school? Lawl. Even her grades mattered.
In a broader context, those issues would be partly relevant. But what about the side of love which preaches above freedom and emotion.
What about lust?
That unexplainable desire to be close to someone, skin to skin, molecule to molecule.
That’s where dating apps come in. Apps such as Tinder or Tan Tan offer you a deal of a lifetime. I won’t bother boring you with the details. Basically just swipe right and get wild. Sounds amazeballs, doesn’t it?
Wrong. You wouldn’t believe the number of consequences such actions bring. The impact could already defy Newton’s Law of Gravity itself, not to mention the stereotypes. But what if we took to a whole different perspective? Let’s take a gasp of fresh air and a break from typical societal judgement.
Here’s a summary of a deep conversation on the issue which I had with someone I found intriguing. Let’s call her Belle.
“Eh, what do you think of one night stands tbh?”
“ — I find it okay? Don’t judge me la, just hear me out.”
The thing with One nightstands is that people judge on it too hard.
I personally do it and I admit, I like going wild sometimes.
There are Friday nights where you go out drinking, come back, and really. really. really. crave romance.
I don’t really see the problem with hitting someone up for a night. (Nice or not depends on the experience itself la).
I’m single with no attachments. Call it fulfilling your body’s desires or seeking an escape, it goes by many names. Down to the point, Lust exists in us all.
It’s like supper.
Say you’re hungry during midnight.
You could either go for mamak or choose to starve, the hunger would eventually go away.
You definitely did not need that supper to survive the night, but it sure would put a smile on your face if you did.
A one night’s stand is the same.
You choose what to do with your desires. If we have the freedom to deal with hunger, I don’t see the difference in this when the context is similar.
Do you think One Night Stands are bad for the people involved, in general?
It is bad.
At the same time it is good. It’s totally based on perspective?
Before I got myself involved, I fully knew about the consequences.
Did you not think I was worried that I would be judged?
That I would form attachments to the ones that I shared an intimate experience with?
I was scared. confused.
I call it signing the devil’s deal. Lol.
A tooth for a tooth.
But you’ll be surprised, I met some very interesting individuals along the way.
I hooked up with this guy once.
Would you believe me if I told you we somehow ended up having meaningful conversations in bed with our clothes still on over five cans of beer?
Lying in a corner cuddling as if we were a couple.
How could you say that was bad?
And if you’re wondering. Yes. People have called me a slut.
Personally, I don’t take it to heart.
To be honest, we will always be judged no matter what status and what the situation is.
I had a sexual relationship with my “then-boyfriend” of four years.
Four years.
When we broke up, news spread out.
I was judged and called names even though I was loyal to him and him alone.
Was it any different with status back then and now?
It’s your body, you decide what to do with it as long as it follows your values.
Sounds like you are a big fan. So should we all do One Night Stands then?
— *Belle childishly suffocates the writer for a brief one minute
I’m not saying that I like it.
I too hope to find someone who will love me for who I am.
For what I’ve become.
To find someone I can call home.
Given that said, if I ever am to be in a relationship, One Night Stands are totally disallowed. I’m not that liberal.
One night stands are entirely an “acquired taste”. *giggles
Some people end up hating themselves for doing it.
Some just go along with the flow.
Some go by a code where you can never form an attachment with the person.
Some end up falling madly in love with each other.
See how subjective everything is?
Lots of people have told me that love and lust can be satisfied through better methods.
What exactly is defined as better? Enlighten me.
Accidentally bump into a person, drop his books, stare into each other’s eyes,
smile and some way along the line get married and live happily ever after?
All I can say is, it’s a totally different experience for everyone.
And it is from such experiences that we stem out and develop different social values, as individuals.
I don’t advise you to try One Night Stands tho.
It is pretty messed up.
(P/S: Content has been altered for reading purposes.)
- The writer hopes readers fully respect the insight offered by Belle.
