Why We Shouldn’t Have “Standards” On Love
But on the people we fall in love with.
Have you ever asked yourself what an ideal relationship would be, for you?
It could be as simple as dating someone so physically attractive that the people around you scowl in envy when both of you walk past, hand-in-hand.
OR we could stick with the basics.
We constantly talk about a relationship that has no mental walls, where both sides have no reasons to lie.
Someone who not only looks through but embraces your flaws.
Someone who proves all your past relationships wrong.
Someone who motivates you to do better as a person or even at life in general.
But what if our current relationships are far from ideal?
We often get frustrated.
Somewhere along the lines we discover parts of our partner that we wished we never unearthed.
With eyes filled with tears and frustration, we question them:
“When did you become like this?” or “When did you change?”
And If it comes to a breaking point and the relationship falls apart?
We break down. And we blame Love.
At this point, fresh out of a relationship, you probably no longer believe in love (allegedly) and goes about ranting how your “one true love” must have gotten hit by a truck.
After going through a butt load of hurt, it makes sense for the person to re-evaluate and figure out what went wrong.
It’s understandable for us to take a step back and ponder about the relationship (and possibly grieve about it). Thinking about all the
“what if(s)..” and the other “mistakes” you could’ve avoided if only you had paid more attention.
Some may even shrug it off with the simple “We just didn’t workout” reasoning.
But have we misunderstood?
Have you ever stopped and wonder maybe it’s the lack in standard of the person we usually settle for?
By standard I mean character, integrity, kindness and all that mushy stuff.
We often choose appearances over inner beauty.
Fun and adrenaline over a sense of security.
We choose to rather be blinded by a beautiful lie than accept a cold harsh reality.
Most people on a date pay attention to how the partner performs and how well they act.
“Does he insist on paying for the bill ?” or “Does she have a vibe ?”
Don’t get me wrong, those are qualities you should look out for.
But look deeper.
Pay attention to how he treats the waiter. Does he say his “thank you(s)” when he is served.
Does he set up the cutleries before your meals arrive.
Does he remember to pour you a drink before he pours his.
Does he leave only after you’ve safely entered your house, or does he leave right after charming you about what a great night you both shared?
All these simply actions are representations of the type of person you will deal with.
It’s easy to plan a date for a good impression.
I plan my dates in such detail that I would make sure my partner picked up the good sides of me. Conversations are rehearsed repeatedly before the date. Topics are prepared. Literally anything for a good impression.
But you can’t hide character. It will show sooner or later.
Only settle for someone who meets your standards.
If you want someone who’s fun and lives in the moment, don’t date the person who can’t stay 5 minutes away from his/her phone.
If you want someone who’s rational, don’t date the person who has issues with almost every single person in their circle of friends.
If you want a secured relationship, don’t settle for someone who hasn’t given up clubbing on every weekend.
I’m not claiming that a club-goer isn’t loyal.
But if your partner understood you, why would they put themselves in such a risky position of angering (or even losing) you.
(*I understand that absolutely NOTHING could happen in a club, but it still remains a preferential choice of entertainment.)
I’m not asking you to be picky
I’m saying that the person we settle for, in a way, might have to fall in line with our standards one way or another.
A standard that both sides share or have come to accept.
There is always space for a person to change no matter during or prior the relationship. It’s even better if both come to an understanding that a relationship looks more like two imperfect people loving each other the best they can while growing towards their fullest potential. — Crystal Jackson, P.S. I Love You.
We could always put the blame of our failed relationships on our luck with love. Or we could simply start acknowledging our worth and what we truly deserve, and let love set its own standards.
